What He Says and What He Means

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."

Really means....

"I can't hear the television because of the noise from the vacuum cleaner."



“You look great in that dress.”

Really means....

“Wow! It’s way too short!”



"I missed you."

Really means....

"My shirts need ironing, I haven’t eaten since you left and we are out of toilet paper."



"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."

Really means....

"We have overshot by 200 miles."




“I love you.”

Really means....

“Will you have sex with me?”



“I bought you flowers.”

Really means....

“The florist was having a closing down sale.



"I am listening."

Really means....

“I was listening to the radio but with a bit of luck you might actually think I was listening to you.”



“I can fix it myself”

Really means.... “Look up the number of an emergency plumber.”