Funny Jokes

Bill Gates Gambles With Heaven and Hell Bill Gates dies while gambling in an Las Vegas casino and arrives at the port to heaven and hell. Peter says, “Because you’ve been so successful on Earth you may choose to go to heaven or hell.” Bill peeks into heaven and sees a couple of old boring men sitting around at a table. He takes a look in hell and sees really beautiful women, sex, drugs, rock and roll, and most of all, gambling. So Bill says, “I’m a gambling man and I love women so I want to go to hell” Once in hell, Bill is immediately thrown into a huge torturous fire. “Hey,” says Bill, “what going on? The Hell I was shown was full of gambling, women, and sex? 'That,” said the Devil with an evil smirk, “ was just a demo version."

The Marriage Bet There's the touching story of the young man who was foolish enough to say to his girlfriend, "I bet you wouldn't marry me." The story goes that she not only called his bet but she raised him five!

The Las Vegas Gambling Trip Joke A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas. One of the men on that trip won Ł100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a.m. He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it.  The following morning he walked outside and found the hole empty. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.  Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.  "You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my Ł100,000 I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the professor. The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my bac...

GAMBLING - a Way of Life A down and out asked a passing stranger for Ł5 so he could stay the night at a hostel. The man asks, "Will you buy booze?" The beggar says, "No. I promise - I don’t drink." The man says, "Will you gamble it away?" The beggar assured the man, "I have never gambled in my life." "You must come home with me,” demands the man, “I want my wife to see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

GAMBLING - Playing the Slot Machines Two gambling friends, Tom and Gerry, went together to play the slot machines at an LA casino. Each agreed that when his allotted money was gone, he would go set on the bench and wait for the other to finish. Gerry quickly lost all of his money and went to sit on the bench. He waited and waited and waited some more. After what seemed an eternity, he saw Harry coming toward him carrying a huge bag of coins. "Hey, Gerry," said Tom, "how'd you do?" "Well, Tom," said Gerry, "you see me here on this bench - what do you think? It looks like you hit it big, though." "Oh yeah," said Tom, "I found a great slot machine! It's way in the back. I'll show it to you - you can't lose! Every time you put in a buck four quarters come out!"