Funny Jokes

During a tournament a rather embarrassed golfer turned to his opponent and coyly confessed ‘I’ve never played this badly before!’ Quickly the opponent retorted, ‘ Actually I didn't realize you had played before.’

Here’s a simple technique to increase your distance off the tee. Have a steady, relaxed grip on the club, pull back gently, then close your eyes and imagine that you’re taking a swing at your boss. An amateur was having an absolutely dreadful round. On the eighth, after 5 strokes, he was still 180 yards from the green. Exasperated he turned to his caddy and asked "Do you think I can get there with a 5-iron?" Without hesitation the caddie replied, "Eventually!!"

Golfers’ Nightmares Never, ever getting a hole in one. Getting a hole in one – when there’s nobody around to see it. Following up a hole in one with a twelve over par. Playing a round with friends where everyone else gets a hole in one.

Why is a birdie always immediately followed by a hole that’s ten over par? The most valuable golfing tip I’ve ever had came from a dear friend. After playing a round together he exclaimed ‘Why don’t you take up fishing?’ Fishermen exaggerate – golfers understate. Golf is the perfect game to play - when you're so decrepit you can no longer play football.

Golf Club Humour There is no putt so simple that it cannot over shoot by twelve inches. The secret of being a great golfer is knowing how to tally the score so that you’re never more than twelve over par. I’m not a great golfer in fact, to be honest, I don’t even know the difference between an iron and an electric kettle. A round of golf is never over – just deferred 'til another day.

There is no putt so simple that it cannot over shoot by twelve inches. The secret of being a great golfer is knowing how to tally the score so that you’re never more than twelve over par. I’m not a great golfer in fact, to be honest, I don’t even know the difference between an iron and an electric kettle. A round of golf is never over – just deferred 'til another day.

You can tell she’s a novice if :- She sets out with six balls and comes back with none. She shouts "fore" whenever she putts! She still believes that one day she’ll get a hole in one. She builds sandcastles in the bunkers. She just misses getting a hole in one - by 8 strokes! She practices shouting ‘fore’ in the office. She carries a trowel to patch up the holes she creates in the turf.

Murphy's law of golf Murphy's First law of golf : a new ball is twice as likely to get lost as an old one. Murphy's Second law of golf : a new ball always find water. Murphy's Third law of golf: The higher a golfer's handicap the more advice he gives. Murphy's Fourth law of golf: All par threes aspire to be sixes. Murphy's Fifth law of golf: After fourteen brilliant holes the last four will return your score to its normal pathetic level. Murphy's Sixth law of golf : If your swing feels right it’s wrong. Murphy's Seventh law of golf : The probability of sinking a putt is inversely proportional to the distance from the hole.

Golfer's Maxims Golfers Maxim on Mathematics : Four plus five equals seven. Golfers Maxim on Sportsmanship : Winning is everything. Golfers Maxim on Consistency : Your best round ever will immediately be followed by your worse round ever. Golfers Maxim on Success : A wise man always lets the boss win. Golfers Maxim on Winning : Bad mathematicians make great golfers. Golfers Maxim on Perseverance : In sheer frustration quit playing at least twice a month.